Moving On?

They are right, you never know what you've got untill you've lost it. There are alot of moments were I think that playing 360 would be great now, especailly now that the NEX comes out tomorrow ...

But on the other hand it may have some positive effect on me ... and school ... I'll see.


About something different:
Two weeks ago my best friend called me an told me how much I suck, well lang story short, we're no friends any more.
So I was sitting ther last week and thought 'Hey I just lost my best friend! With whom will I now go out at the weekends?". Fist I thought of just going out, looking for new friends, ... but then I remembered that I can't even find a girlfriend, how am I supposed to find a normal friend?
And now it comes, a few hourse before I planed to go out, a guy called me who knew me from my ex-best friend, he asked me if I would go somewhere today and if I could take him and a friend of him with me, ... well 'yes'!
... Later it was me and the 3 people who probably were the best friends of my ex-best friend, driving around, while my ex-best friend was walking around, ... alone ... and he probably was at home at 0am, while I was at 5am at home.

... IN YOUR FACE PUSSY!!! ...


Next weekend we will go out again, and as I'm the driver (as always), I probably will earn some money for gas.Yiep Ey Yeah! :D

... If I know find some curage at a street and a nice girl ...
... But that is a different story ...


Greg the Mad

Funeral

Today we say good by to a good friend of mine.
she was a great fellow, made the best jokes and tolled the sadest storys I have ever heard.
In times when I came home after a hard school day, I would go to her and she would cheer me up. In times when I came home after a though night she would be ther for me, only waiting to enlight me with green.


Today is the day may X-Box 360 died.


Its hard to know that she had a hard and strugling dead, as one of her GPUs stroked a few days ago, but she still keept up working. Maybe with a wired graphic error, but there was still a world on the screen I've never seen.
Today her second GPU sayed goodby to me and so did the screen.
There may still are the sounds and voices, I get from the Soundcard, but the incredible pictures and the entertaining worlds are gone ... forever.

I gave her my last respect in the struggle to take her apart and in the try to repair her GPU, but a patent holder for the cooling fins, which hide the GPUs, stoped me from any more attempt to heal her.

I took her HDD, her W-Lan addapter and placed her infront of the TV. ... as a monument for all the fun, the crashed skulls, the lead I pumped into the air and everything else that happend because of her.


Rest in Peace, May you find you place in the Microsoft heaven.


Greg the Sad

Back to the Background and Back again

I was working on my blocks for the GUI programming language, when they released 3.0.
First I thought to stay on 2.0 to finish the language, but then I thought that this could me a mistake and I swiched.
But before I even could think of continue my mork on it I was forced that my old engine was not quite compatible, so I hade to change some stuff, ... and I added some ... and more ...

Now I'm back in programming my engine, and pushed the GUI language to a later date.

But then again is there this thing called school ... where I recive some quite ugly marks latly ... which I should change ...

Well ...


And a nother, quite ugly problem appeared, I need new friends ...
Last saturday (... yesterday) I was out again, but a friend was the driver ...

... at 1 he decided that it would be cool to leave now ... 'FUCK YOU' was the only thing I was able to thing at the moment of great disapointment ... and later at the top it all he claimed later that I still own him 10€ and that he wants them from me now ... 'FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!' ...

Well, I didn't literally sayed that, but that pussy, he is, is now saved as 'Pussy' in my cell ... and next weekend I might not call him, ... even if that means that I have to go out allone.

... this was the last time.

Devotchka - How It Ends

Go to YouTube and listen to this great song.

It makes you feel quite sad, but then again it got such a great 'its not that bad at all' mood somewhere behind thos notes.

Anyway, I did lay down last saturday, but I didn't made anything for school (what a surprice). Now I'm more or less back in the XNA/Programming track again. I spend a few hours on working on my GUI programmin/skripting language last week, but I stil got some problems with the collision response, camera, etc. It will take a month (or less) till I can set down and work on the aktuall programmin behind the programming language ...

What programm did Billy and his fellows use to programm their first programms?
Well, just hope that it woun't be too much for me to take ... ;)

Ah, nearly forgotten, today is halloween! And I got a free day of schoo! Which means that I will take a few friends and go out looking for a good looking vampire girl.


Greg the Treat

Tired?

Man I'm tired.

I sleeped full 2 and half hours the last 24 hours.

It all started that well with a banana cake in the morning and then 9 regular hours in school.
Later that day I shaved, sprayed Axe, and put on my best shirt, all to stand 2 and half hours infront of that new disco, waiting to get it.
Well, I would like to say that it at least would have been fun after that, but it wasn't.
After the waiting outside, I waited inside, 30 minutes, to get a little purple sheet of paper with the number of my jacked on it.
"Well,", I thought, "now its time for a coke.", I went into the great hall (its realy nothing else then a hall, just ... great!) and looked for that next bar to get this coke. And I waited a nother 30 minutes.
Man there were so many people. I didn't mind the people at first, but then a friend send me a message telling me that he saw HER at the entrance. 2 hours later I found her, she just entered the building -.-
This time she didn't saw me, or didn't wanted to see me, who knows. But that exactly showed what kind of luck I have, because she entered the disco right in the moment I went over the the cloakroom getting my jacked. -.-
I made a 180° turn, saw her, walked pass her, made a nother 180° turn saw, her again and walked out of the hall.
After that I hade a full out time thinking about the two glances, as I was looking for my jacked in the cloakroom, the stuff there has butit in the wrong place and so wasn't able to find it later, when I can to get it.
... I drove home, brushed my teeth, and layed down for 2.5 hours of sleep.

The alarm rang, I stood up, and eat a cold banana cake out of the fridge, which keept me from eating for the next four hours in school, but not from sleepe eyes, but the coffee did.
And now I'm here, after a few hours of work on my graphic programming language (I'm working on the basics at the moment, ... the bricks you can move around ...), and I wonder.

When I lay down now, will I make something for school tomorrow? Will I have fun when I head over to the club2? Will I even see her ther again? Or better: a complet othre girl?

Many questions, no answer yet ...


Greg the Mad

Well, I'm back

I was gone?

Jep, I was gone for a little boat trip in croatia with my class. It was a great trip, and now I know why they say that you will know the people with you much better after such a trip. Also did I noticed that I'm a guy who stands up earlier ... wich made me quite infamours ... :P

I may will post some more infos about the trip later, as I'm now enjoying the first few free hours at home, ... with great musik ... and ... nothing else!


And well I guessed right, my friend just tolled me that SHE was in the club last saturday, the only day I was not there ... :(


Greg the Mad

Programming Down

Well I didn't programm a line for tow weeks now I guess. ...
Mainly because of all the hard school work that I have to do most of the time, but even when I got some space programming is not the first thing that comes into my mind ...

But the worst thing is that I'm not even sure if it would be better if I did programm a line once in a while.
I mean, its the last year now, I'm class representive, and I will have enough time later once I'm done with that school (not more then 160 days till then ...).

... but it still bugs me, that the only thing I can do on a lat afternoon is to start my Wii and play old GameCube games ...




Anyway, I will see my dream gild this saturday again: There is one of those little drinking fest again, and I will try my luck. ... A friend of mine has told me that she is always there ...

...


Greg the Mad

Yesterday Sucked

Yes, I did not see her, but thats not the point.

The youth center tunred out to be only a excuse for drinking.
And the event, that took place in the club I always go, sucked too. As did the DJ there. ... The damn ugly girls ... The permanent smell of throw - up in the air ... and the whole day ...

AND THE WORST THING: I waited the whole week for that one day ...



But on the other hand I discovered something ... How much this girl is messing with my head.

I mean, she looked to me! SHE talked to me! And SHE smiled to me! ... And I can't get her out of my system ...


Greg the Mad

Consol Done

Yep, the few hours I spend on my consol class were enougth to finish it to a certain level. I can create requests now, toogle it on and off, etc.

Its not much yet, mainly because there is not much you can control in a simple prototype. Now I have to figure out what to do next.
I may already hade some thoughts about that, but now that I noticed the weakness of my LapTops graphic card (only 60 FPS max wenn I go on full screen ...), ... so it has to be something not that graphic intensive. I thought of creating a better engine background (thinking of the Screen Manager sample) and how to implent a level editor stuff into the code, or revers? ...


And now to something complet different.
Next saturday will be entertaining.
First I got a presentation at school (in the english class) about solar systems. The specail thing about that will be a programm I've found in the internet long time ago. Its a little application, based on the irrlicht engine, where you can view our solar system in 3D.
Later that day I plan to appear at the opening of a local youth-center. That what makes that specail is that is made by some people I was in school a decade ago. Lets see how much 'Loser' I'm today :P
And, well, later in the evening I will join the little party people we already are, and drive into the club.

...

...

Two chances where I could meet HER ... dammit


Greg the Mad

Consol Reanimation

First, don't buy Spore.

You'll play it all day long, fight your way through the sea, battle creatures, form alliences, and you travel to the center of the galaxie (42).

Its fun, its challanging, its great, but now after a week, after I've talked with Steve, I some how don't feel that well any more.

Yes I could still spend some time in geting more and more planets, raise their terraform levels to 3 and make the protected from attack, not to metion the fun of destroind whole live forms because they woun't join your empire (and I'm talking about a good epmire).

But for what? Did I take a little guy and made him the big guy? Did I felt a great story? Did I raise a empire that every one is scared of?
NO! Especial the last part hurts. Even if you got the best weapons on your home world and some orbital weapons to protect it, you still have (or your called) to stop your galactice battle against the Grox's because one single pirate ship is stealing from your homeworld. WTF?

To be honst, I got the feeling that as more you try to protect your worlds, as more the pirates will attack them. My first colonie 'Bär' (I didn't even could give it a name ;( ) is attacked every half, as is the one colonie, at the edge of the galaxie arm, I own which got a T-Level of Zero and is as productive as the level. But the one home planet I took over from some aliens, which is one of the best planets I got, is never attacked by anything ... nor is ther are a problem with the animals ther, and that even if I don't have any stuff like orbital weapons, or bio-stabilicer there ...


Anyway, I also woun't play it that often the next time as it also showed me again how much fun programming is, ... no game can ever beat the fun of programming games. Yes, you can quote this one.

I'm now working on some little engien assets like a consol class, which takes care of the in-game developer interface, like frames per seconds and a field to enter commands. I already got the FPS and the field to enter commands, but ther are no commands I could enter yet :p
That will be done somewhen in the next days, then I will take care of the communication of the engine classes itself, for example if I want the whole game to stop while I'm entering a command, but only the game updating when I swich in to dev-view, etc.
So I think that I will create a class that will take care of that, but I don't know how I will realise it, thinking of the Gamestate Manager Sample stuff, with different screens, etc.


So long.


Greg the Mad

Man of Power

It was a qite clear election.

It were 3 people who volomtered for that position of the class representative, each one of the class could choose one of those 3 as a first place representative and one as a vice representative ... I was elected 15 times as the main representative from 20 people ...


So, ok, ... what are the powers of a class presentative? ...


Greg the Mad

Man of the people

Weekend again ... later about that.

In school it appears that I'm in the outsider position again, now that the only gyu I realy could have fun with, is gone (he had into the lower level school class ... its complicated).
I'm may not the worst outsider, the is still that fat guy who noone realy 'likes'. I try to be polite to him, try to treat him as a usual guy, cause I know how it is to be like him, but he got something on him ... he makes unfunny jokes, he got a wired voice, etc.

Ok, I'm may the outsider, I may didn't managed to get a project (yet), but my influence gets bigger.
You know my last post? Ther I've talked about a curtain for the class entrens door. Its hanging ther now and people realy like it, even if its not the sigtproofed as hoped ...
Anyway, I'm now the guy to whom people go if they need something, like the replaye the clock, make the hole in the cross bigger, etc. That may sound anouing but I like that job, I'm just a nice guy who likes to help. And that could be usefull on my way to world dommination.

We don't got a class representative ... and the old was not the most beloved ever ... I may, with a loot of luck, could become the representative. Students trust me, teacher trust me, I'm able to forfill a tast, I can tak over responsability, etc. What do you need more, except luck?

So the next time the head of the class enter the room and wants to elect the representative I will vollumtire, and if they think that the other guy who want to get that position I'll just tell them that the representative will have to held a speech at the end of the year ... they woun't have him holding the speech ...



... Anyway ... still weekend.
I can be 90% sure that she woun't be ther tonight, as ther is one of that stupid Fire Depatment fests in town ... Imagen 100 people in all ages (from 10 up) drinking to celebrating the life itself ... pointless drinking, something you can't tell me that this is good.
Well, and she, I guess, got the friends that will be there, and so she will join them.

But on the other hand that means that I can enjoy the night and may be able to talk to someone more mind consuming ...

... I just shivered as I've writen the last three words ... But if shes more mind consuming *shiver* and I got her number ... better then befor.

... 18:52 ... I'll head down now, take a shower and call up the guys. So long.


Greg the Mad

School again ...

Its terrible.

I may woun't get a project, two other had stolen the teacher who had a subject for me ... now I have to look first for a different project and second find some one to make it with.

Its just not that great as I hoped it would be, but that also my appear so because to day was a hard day ... do you know how hard it is to get a pearl curtain? Or how expensive a mirro ball is? Now that mirro ball is probably the one thing that if I don't get it into the class room will hunt me down the rest of my life ... maybe I could make one myself ...


I'm down ... -.-


Greg the Mad

Physic Screen Shot

Jep, its gone and now I can make up to 60 push ups now (15 - 4 times).

I've also made some serious programming lately, I finaly made some progress in the moment of inertia calculation.
First I planed to get the projeced shape of the mesh through ray tracing, but then a nice guy from the XNA community told me that the CPU is not quite build for such kind of calculation, the GPU is more made for it. So I just thought "Well, so why don't make it on the GPU?"
In the beginning I thought that there would be somethimg like that in the SpaceWar starter kid of XNA, but I was misstaking, but something like that dose no break me down. I just looked in the internet for a way to get a screen shot from a game, took that code changed it a bit (camera position, projection matrix, and general purpose), and done.

What I actually do is taking a screen shoot from the model I want the moment of inertia from. I just place the camera so that it face the model from a special direction (like from above) and use a orthogonal matrix. Furthermore I use a black background (GraphicDevice.Clear(Color.Black)) and I also set some rendering effect so that the model is white. What I get (or should get, I stilll got some problems with the quat that should diplay the new screen) is a white silouet of the model on a black background, now I got that I just have to make the moment of inertia calculation for each white point in this pic.

Its not finished yet, nor tested, but it appears to work fine for the moment and to be a loot easyer then I expected moment of inertia calculation to be.


I'm proud of my self. *giving myself a pat on the back*
Good boy.


And I hope that I see here this evening ...


Greg the Mad

Belly pain

That may sound like I just got a punsh into my abdomen, but its more because I tried to pull myself up on a tree ... only using my arms.

I know that ther is a special english word for that, but my internet is to slow today to look for it.

Anyway, this little pain can lead to big trouble if I'm not care full. I could stop making my nice little training units I've made the last weeks (you can't make situps with that pain), but I now have to stop it, or I will never get rid of that pain ... you can't imagen how often you use those muscles ...


What happended else the last few days ... right!
I made some little adjustments on my few new classes so they should work better, but I still have some probems with the Force.Draw method, so I'm little stuck at the moment as I need to know how the forces look, befor I can manipulate them. (I stoped the LS, ... mainly because after a full night of thinking for what I could use it, I came up with nothing, ... its a sign)

Well I still got that girl in my mind, but no I didn't saw her again last weekend, but I had a beautifull dream ... such dreams a rare. It was one of those were you fill so warm and fuzzy all around ... *dream* ... But with my luck I will see her again ...


... in two years.


Today I'm a little numb, because of my belly and that I sleeped again till noon ... 12 houres of sleep are too much, so that was it for the update. -.-


Greg the Mad

Ther you go.

There you want to write a Force Control System (FCS), but you end up with a Layer System (LS).

Well, what happened?


I got good experience with the DrawableGameComponents of XNA, so I use them everywher I can. As did I in the Programme where I wanted to create the FCS, but after a few hours of work, setting some new classes up (like a new grid class, or FPS class), a old problem crossed my path, that sometimes it can happen that models get drawn atop each other and not in a real 3D space.

So I finaly wrote a post about that on the XNA boards, and DING, a day later a know the source of the problem and know how to actually use that problem to create a LS.

It may will take a day till I realy got something I can show, but once it done ... it will be awsome!



And now about something complet different:
Well shes still hovering around in my mind, on a day like this, wher I got something to do, its not that hard, but who knows what will be tommorow? The day I might will see her again? ... ... *fingercrossing*

... Fingercrossing to realy see her and talk to her, or not to see her at all, everything in between would be ... dumb again ...


Greg the Mad

At least something

Its will take time till I forgot her, but only if I don't she her again.
The last time it took me a few years, I only saw her a few hours this time so I would estimate a few mothe this time.

Anyway, I did make some progress to day, no not about her, but about my game.
My next step would be to use the player input and change them into force.

Yes Forces.

In the real world everything gets moved though forces, why not too in the game world?

So the first thing I will creat is a system to calculat the forced for normal movements, like following a path or rotation. Later I will set some and think about how to do that if my forces can only be applyed in a certain way. So I could use that system for ships which got thier thrusters turned down, so that they can hover.

I don't know how long it will take me to that point, as every second thought is about someone else, but with my new way of developmet (building it all up like Lego) I could make a line a week, but every line would be real progress.


Hopefully she will be ther next saturday ...


Greg the Mad

Well after all ...

I'm still not over her.


Its quite interesting, if I would not have met her, last week, I probably would now be sitting, working on my hybrid ship, form my next game prototyp, maybe would have found a nother nice girl, and would be happy.

But I met her. So I'm sitting her writing a nother update for my blog, hoping that to write my thougths down would make it easyer.
In fact did I nothing else the whole last week then to stitte her and listen sad songs (most of the time).

I may have continued my work on my space ship (I'll post a pic once ints done), I may have get myslef finaly a belt, I may dicoverd that shaving every two days is more dangerouse then just once a week (I'll stay with the once a week timing). But the whole week I waited for yesterday.

... Sucks, as ther was nothing yesterday.

I drove to my favorite club, ... which was closed that night. Well.

Lets hope for next weekend. If I meet her again next saturday, I'll try it.
I'll try to talk to her, even if she revuse to talke to me, that would be much better, as I would know how she thinks about me. If I don't meet her, ... well then I got at least some other kind of answer too. She knows where I'm at the weekend.

Last thursday I was out too, and while I was walking through the crowed of people I saw once of her friends. Once she noticed me she suddenly steped asaid, letting me pass, I'm not sure, but ther was something in her look, something like 'He's here!' and I may could have imagen that but I think that she reached for her cell as I passed. But I didn't saw HER that night.


I'm writing with out any connection to the last paragraph, dose I?


Greg the Mad

Quite Personal Update

Screwed me.

Any girl.

If any girl would have gretted me last saturday, I would be fine to day, I may even would be happy, thinking about what to some next time I enter the location. But even if ther would have been no girl last weekend, I still would do better then I do now.

Lieing in bed at night, reviewing what happened last weekend, wondering what will happen next, IF there is anything to happen. Sitting infront to a WoW Beta, guessing what I could do wrong if somethings happens. Wondering about those legs.


You don't know what I'm taking about? Well lets start at the begining.

As I was still young, fresh and in the 5th grad.
Well, I always was that outsider typ guy, standing in the corner, with some other guy I called friends, normaly far away from the ... 'cool' lot.
But a part of that lot was a girl. That that was special about that girl was not that she didn't hate me like the others did, but she also laught about my jokes, despite the fackt that the most of those jokes where about her and how short she is growing.
So the years passed, and I made a lot of jokes about her, in the 8th grad I started to believe that she hates me for those jokes (~4 years of jokes about her, she must have hated me at that time).

After the 8th grad we all walked different way. The 'cool' lot started to get them self some jobs, or little more school education. I was one of the few to actually make a heigher education, so did she, just a different school in a different city.
So you may can imagen how often we have seen. But never the les, those few sights were enougth that I started to realize that I like her. Realy liked her. Thought about her even if I didn't had seen her for month. Holding a picure of her in my mind.

Slowly time passed and I started to forget about her. I never saw her anymore, and started thinking about other girls I've mett over time. Getting other pictures.
To be pricise about it, I completly forgot her, don't even bothing about how she would be thies days.
I was lifing happiely, was thinking about a lot of other girl, but mainly thinking on how I could become a great Game Designer one day. Girls only were a asset to that dream. Happy feeling where striped to songs, and no picutes on my mind anymore.


Till last weekent.


It was my second time in that location. After a few shy tries I started to make some moves on the dance floor, and as I realized that no one cares about me making those wired movements, I realy freaked out and started dancing (I actually think that I'm a good dancer, but I'm not in the position to judge this now).

Two eys.
A short glance.

First I thought 'Hey, I know that face', and then 'Hey, thats that girl I once used to make jokes about', 'Whats her name?', 'She turned out to be a good looking girl', '... those legs ...'

... And I hade some other thoughts ...

'... Did she just looked to me?!?'
'Woops, I think she remembers me too.'
'Hm? Where did she went? ... And who trys to grap my shoulder at my left ...'

"Hi, long time not seen..." she said.

It was a short dialog, not longer then a minute and strongly muffeled by the background sounds that was the dance music. We talked about what we're making at the moment and what we have done to get ther.
In the middle of that she was forced by her following girls to go with them to the restroom. A minute is not much time to share information, but it can have a great impact on other things.

Later our eyes crossed each other once in a while, ... probably because I was danceing just two meter away from her, ... with my back to her, as I tried to focus on some other potential girl.
But steping on a foot that belongs to a friend of her, made me turn once, and the other time I set down to relax a few minutes (I probably was the only dancer in that club that didn't got some alcohole, nor other stuff in his blood, and so I needed a rest once in a while), she and her girls stand next to me, with their back to me giving a perfect view of her legs, as they watched other people dance. Again with some movements of people, causeing us to see each other.

She did smile. I'm sure about that. I didn't imagen that.


Anyway, she leaft a hour before I did, she didn't sayed goodby.


Any girl.

Any girl that I would have tracked with my eyes that night, ... I could have walked up to her and talk to her, or even dance with her.
But she ... we got a history. I know her and she knows me (at least she knows my past, and I'm not proud of my 'stupid' past). I can't just go to her and start talking ... not without a couse ... not without seeing her.

Well and that why I'm sitting here, infront of my PC, wondering if I actually will see her again, were that might be, or if she dose like me too.


Not to mention how hard it is to get those legs out of your mind.


Greg the Mad

Lazy me.

Ok, what I have done the last few days ...

I played my WoW charakter to the level 68 in order to load it over to the test server.
I downloaded the Beta Client of the Lich King, took me 6 hours in which I was able to do nothing else then to what some more episodes of Battlestar Galactica (I'm currently at Season 2 Episode 5).
And I played a little around with the Deathnight.

... Nothing more ... Oh ... Yes, my guitar playing gets better and better, even if I only can play one and a half song at the moment :)

Anyway, I decided that this playing around with the tools I'm writing dose not get me anywere. So once I find enought time to write some code again, I will continue to work on the actuall game and stop my tool playing for the moment.


Hopefully I'll find some more time to write a nother update here before the week is over, So Long.


Greg the Mad